Bad Cup of Coffee
A sweet little boy surprised his grandmother one morning and brought her a cup of coffee. He made it himself and was so proud. He anxiously waited to hear the verdict on the quality of the coffee. The grandmother had never in her life had such a bad cup of coffee, and as she forced down the last sip she noticed three of those little green army guys in the bottom of the cup.
She asked, "Honey, why would three little green army guys be in the bottom of my cup?"
Her grandson replied, "You know grandma, it's like on TV,
'The best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup.'"
Men are like ... coffee.
The best ones are rich, hot, and can keep you up all night.
The 23rd Cup
Caffeine is my shepherd; I shall not doze.
It maketh me to wake in green pastures;
It leadeth me beyond the sleeping masses.
It restoreth my buzz.
It leadeth me in the paths of consciousness for its name's sake.
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of addiction,
I'll fear no Equal for thou art with me;
Thy cream and thy flavorings they comfort me.
Thou preparest a carafe before me in the presence of Juan Valdez.
Thou anointest my days with vigor; my mug runneth over.
Surely flavor and aroma shall follow me all the days of my life
and I will dwell in the House of Maxwell forever.
At the data-entry company where I work, the other operators and I share a coffeepot. One morning I took it into the ladies room to fill it with water. Then I began preening in the mirror, brushing my hair and reapplying some makeup. I didn't realize how long I'd been until someone slid a note under the door. "You win," it read. Any ransom demand will be met. Just release the coffeepot."
A man walked up to a vending machine, put in a coin, and pressed the button labeled, "Coffee, double cream, sugar." No cup appeared. Then two nozzles went into action, one sending forth coffee, the other, cream. After the proper amounts had gone down the drain where the cup should have been, the machine turned off. "Now that's real automation," the man exclaimed. "This thing even drinks it for you!"